Why Do You Make Porn?

When I want to be aroused, I want to use my imagination, not look at something pretty. I am also not tempted by sweets or moved to regressive states at the site of babies. I am no trying to prove anything or impress anyone. This is just the way I am. It's the opposite of what you would expect. It's harmonic dissonance.

It is the animation of porn, not the attractiveness of the people or settings, which arouses my interest, insofar as those movements suggests meaning.

The meaning doesn't have to be original, feminist, or romantic - it could most certainly be "because he came to fix the cable".

In queer porn, the reason for my interest is usually "because they're queer".

Now, the queerness of the performers does often manifest in their physical presentation, but it also very much has to do with what they do and how they do it.

Still, this preference reveals my identification with the performers and/or the role they're playing, which helps me relate to the desires of the Typical Porn Consumer ie the hetero male, for whom the genesis of arousal is generally "because she's pretty."

For me to Do Porn, I must now confess, has been an exercise in sexual self discovery and an inquiry into the general mysteries of sex itself.

Porn simply offered me an opportunity for exploration that is more my style and more in my nature than, it turns out, drunken one night stands, long term hetero monogamy, or even the overstimulation of San Francisco sex parties.

Because I trust my colleagues and community, I am able to put my body through extreme physical and emotional situations, acts of pain, contortion, abuse, exposure, torture, "forced" penetration. All of this empirical negativity occurs within a consensual context: fantasy, an honest day's work, the production of something designed solely for the pleasure of others. Within this context, this box, I confront all this horror and endure, survive, grow, and return to the rest of my life. I am able to experience what I and my body are capable of without fear and without the distraction of personal meaning.

In many cases it has only been through this contextualized, compartmentalized experience that I have been able to experience certain sexual excitements and satisfactions, and experience the raw state of my true sexual identity.

Having sex for money, on record, with someone who is not in the strictest se

nse of the word, my lover, is a method of publicly announcing:

This is really happening to me! Right?

Because I have never gotten over my incredulity about sex.

And of course, there is the fact that once you have sex for money on camera once, you're automatically a star!